Sicilian Defense

I painted my self-portrait with
Swollen balloons and darts
Spread across the canvass

Drip-drops and splatters and punctures and
Partitioned with yellow tape with
Stark demand

He dreamed of California Palms
Growing out of his head, and
I couldn’t bear one more second

Everyone stay calm
Everyone stay calm
No idea what I’m doing–

So, where you gonna put those books, Gian?

I painted my self-portrait to black
My exposed and swollen
Nailbeds

Just take the benzo
Just to see–
Er, Gian, cancel the Klonopin

Tense and release
Deep breaths, but
I’ve gotta get back

I can’t do this; and

Why that? Why that
Unkind, impatient,
Sicilian defense?

Duly noted from
The other side of the screen
What I’ve sown, I will reap

Never know how anyone
Never know how
Never know

Litany of lost boys
Recite, one by one,
Never never

Never never
Ta-da, turned to
The color of shit

He did not mince words
He wished he did, and
I, unmedicated, left to deal with, and

I am certain no one is coming
So, let’s do a box breath and
Hemato/neurologic reset

I could feel it bubbling and
Even I couldn’t stop it
So, what can I expect?