I Think You Even Laughed

Show me something
You smiled today,
April 3rd, a few times

Water, both fluid and rigid, both
Life giving and life taking
Awe and terror at the majesty and

Depth; so in despair, so in
Smiles. I will bask in its
Brilliance like a cat on a

Window sill or keep it in my
Pocket like a lucky coin
“Heads Carolina, tails California,”

Dreamt of coast to coast when on
April 8th, you said you were a
Housekeeper, a husk of who you were, and I was

Tired of fighting but found a
Hole in my pocket and suddenly was
Falling apart again, and

Everything I said and felt
Matted over our water colors and
Soon it will be April 9th

I forgot the fight
I forgot what we said in counseling and
I will forget today, too, and I

Wish that was a
Silver lining, but it all collapses in the
Deep rot, my

Daydream’s graveyard

Burned into my skull
Blistered on my skull, all the
Fear and pain, so maybe I

Turn the car on, let it run,
A good start up
April 3rd, you smiled

Round and round the circuitry
I think you even laughed
Round and round

April 3rd, you smiled at me, and I
Felt at ease in the company of my family and
It really did happen, I swear to god it

Happened, swear to god it
Happens a lot, spinning, branding,
Round and round

There, somewhere,

Round and round