Shattering Like China

Paint me baby
Blue. Somehow
It always comes back to this

Thought from the edge of a cliff:
I am so incredibly sad. If

I could just get this
Vape pen to hit, I could
Forget for a moment and

Laugh, rattling out from somewhere
Deep, maybe reptilian, and
Bathe in the Sun.

Arm shattering like
China under the
Weight of the bowling ball,

For God’s sake,
It was Waffle House.
Waffle House.

I couldn’t even pull together
The All Star Special, and

We were right there on the
Trunk of my parent’s Honda when I
Dreamt you in B flat and F and

I couldn’t even pull together
The All Star Special

I am a shadow of what I once was
Closed off, reflexively reflective and
So incredibly sad.

Ticking like telemetry but
Gone flat,

You said,

I wound you first before I
Hold you, and, when I look up
The fridge is stocked with

Crunch water, and I could’ve
Cried right then, as I
Did on the driveway, dreadful then but

Softer now, soft as silk as you say
“Not today”
“But someday soon”

So sorry
So sorry

We live in sorrow.

We live in wait for
The comfort of a savior, or
The opiates of charlatans, or

The blank screen
Disoriented, I stumble around
Unlit corridors;

Desperate, I stumble around
Unlit corridors for the unlocked door, and
I am exhausted, but

I can never let it go;
So incredibly sad, but
I can never let it go